i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
