Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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