well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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