There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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