I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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