I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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