You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
