I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
