**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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