Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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