My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
