It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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