I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bring me that man meat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize