smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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