After last night, I could never be a politician.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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