I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
