so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
