Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
