is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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