I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
