I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
