I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
