I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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