My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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