And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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