oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
