i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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