I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
