I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
