So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize