I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
