JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
