we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
