I accidentally had phone sex last night
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
