I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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