She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
