god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You did what with his pubic hair?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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