even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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