Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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