i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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