i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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