I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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