Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
