i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
