even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
