Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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