eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
