can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she pinky promised me she was 18
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
