just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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