My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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