I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize