i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
