so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
