You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Boobs are out for the taking
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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