just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
