i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
