I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
