Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
