You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
