Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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