you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
