sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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