he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
