I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
