I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
