i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
