Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
