I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
