Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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