East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize