Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got inside last night via doggy door
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
