just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
