a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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