it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We need to get me chipped asap
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