who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
