So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
