I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
