so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
