i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
