2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize