dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
