Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
