you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
