Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
