we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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