I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
