I want to have your abortion
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize