Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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