is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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