Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
