when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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