Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
